Mocking the Mock Draft Season

Just days ago the 2023 NFL Draft commenced and ended our long, national nightmare--mock draft season.

I know, I know, I know. Purple FTW! host Andy has ranted against those of us who don't like mock drafts. "Just don't watch them." "Don't piss and moan." "Let other people have their fun." Those were the sentiments he used to chastise me and my ilk, but I refuse to bow the knee. I will stubbornly hold the stance that creating mock drafts is the football fan's equivalent

Actual footage of Producer Allie waiting to find out what the point is of NFL Mock Drafts.

of playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Because of the work I do I have to know about these utterly pointless and disappointing mock drafts. Despite my best efforts to ignore them, these mock drafts always permeate my consciousness and I end up with a draft crush that will ultimately leave me disappointed.

Even though I know that the month or so leading up to the NFL Draft is "prime BS season," it is hard to disbelieve every single tantalizing rumor. The charlatan national media jabroni haircuts make bold statements that almost never come to fruition outside of the #1 overall pick, and yet they don't seem to suffer any lack of audience or authority for their incorrect assertions.

Can we take just a moment to appreciate how absolutely wrong NFL.com's mock was that teased Minnesota Vikings fans with the team moving up in the first to claim quarterback Anthony Richardson? Or, Matt Miller of ESPN mocking Hendon Hooker to the Vikings at #23? And who can forget the fun of that Draft Network rumor that there were "loud rumblings" that the Vikings were going to trade up for a quarterback?

These national mockers are so routinely wrong you have to wonder why any of us ever believe them and allow ourselves to take them seriously. They deserve derision and skepticism, yet instead they have job security. How does that make sense?

That is why, though it ripped my heart out that the Minnesota Vikings didn't make a bold trade for a generational quarterback prospect, I was relieved that the season of smoke and mirrors, of blarney and bull shit, of strategy and shenanigans was finally over. Because, while the Vikings didn't have any of the players I'd secretly wanted them to draft, at least the speculation was over.

And, after the draft I promise myself not to get conned into believing any draft hype ever again. Allegedly.

Not just a fashion statement, a skeptical state of mind favored by the Jerome Army.